After thirty years as a marriage counsellor, Greg Chapman knows a thing or two about relationships. He believes that there are 5 Love Languages. All of the important people in our lives have a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved and appreciated.
Improving the way we communicate is invaluable, so here's how I think retailers and business owners can use the 5 love languages to improve their relationships with their customers, staff, suppliers and loved ones.
Chapman has devised a separate set of Appreciation at Work languages because there are different types of relationships, expectations and boundaries in the workplace. I’m sure that most of us can all fully appreciate these differences, so I’m focussing on the 5 Love Languages.
Good Intentions
Before we start it's important to be aware that good intentions are not enough. We must learn to meet each other’s emotional need for love and connection. We instinctively offer this in the way that we wish others would express it to us. When they don’t respond in the way we might we become frustrated. The problem is not sincerity. It’s that we are speaking our language and not theirs.
Love and Business
Considering the way your partner prefers to be loved and then speaking in the language that lights them up inside is vital to a happy healthy personal relationship. It’s the same with your children and in your business. This is how we strengthen and maintain our relationships. A friend of mine has a saying “happy wife, happy life.” You could say the same of all your relationships including those of your customers. Keep them happy and you’ll be happy too. We can do this by considering they way they like to be spoken to.
Here are the 5 Love Languages, how they work and how they might be used in your personal and professional life:
1. Words of Affirmation
Your unsolicited compliments and encouragement mean the world to some people. Your words of appreciation will be soaked up like rain on parched soil. If you hear someone say phrases like “I can’t do anything right”, “All you do is criticise” or “nobody notices,” then their love language of choice is words of affirmation. Take time to speak words of gratitude and praise to them.
It doesn’t matter if they are a member of your family or a member of your team these words will fill them up and light up their day. Try to include words of thanks in your correspondence or dealings with customers, suppliers and staff. Those that speak this love language will feel more connected to you and your business.
2. Acts of Service
For these people, actions speak louder than words. When someone complains to us they are actually giving us valuable information. They often reveal their primary love language. If they accuse you of not lifting a finger to help then, for them, you need to do and not say. Nothing will speak to them more deeply emotionally than simple acts of service like making them tea or doing the dishes.
Offering a free wrapping service to customers in your shop or opening the door for someone are simple ways retailers and their staff can appeal to people who speak this love language. Making your team members a cup of tea or helping them with tasks from time to time will make them feel more appreciated.
3. Receiving Gifts
For some people what makes them feel most loved is a gift. Whilst gift giving is universal, what many people do not understand is that for some this is their primary love language and makes them feel most cared for. It’s the thought that counts here.
Sending a greeting card to these customers thanking them for their business or even just to wish them Merry Christmas will mean a lot. See how your customers and staff respond to receiving gifts or look out for them not feeling acknowledged using the other languages to identify that this is their primary love language. Bring some treats in from your local bakery and remember to get them a little something at Christmas time.
4. Quality Time
For some people, nothing says “I love you” like your full, undivided attention. If you hear complaints about not spending enough time together, then turn off the TV, put down your book and look into your partner’s eyes, listen and interact. Men, if your wife walks in the room whilst you are watching the game, turn off the sound and don’t take your eyes off her. If she engages you in conversation turn off the box and give her your undivided attention. She will feel loved and you will bank major brownie points if this is her primary love language.
When dealing with customers make good eye contact and stay present and focussed on them whilst serving. If they are regular customers, asking after their families and how their day is going are ways to connect deeply with those that use this as their primary love language. Similarly some members of your team will really enjoy you spending some quality teamwork time with them.
5. Physical Touch
To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than the appropriate physical touch. Simple gestures like putting your hand on your husband’s shoulder as you walk by or holding hands whilst walking will light up their day.
One study followed shoppers who entered a bookstore alone and were handed a catalogue then were either touched lightly on the upper arm or not. The touched group shopped 63% longer, spent 23 % more, and had a high higher opinion of the store. Touch can be misinterpreted in the workplace so one has to be considerate with this one. The elbow is the safest place and it must be light and brief. Outside the arm area - backs, legs and hands - are no go zones at work.
Wait, I can’t do this!
What if it’s difficult and doesn’t come naturally to you to speak some of these languages? If you choose to love or care for others you will find the appropriate way to express that decision every day. You learn to speak a new language by trying. Like all new things, it will get easier over time.
You can love your wife, your staff or your customers, but if you don’t show it in a way that is meaningful to them your caring will fall on deaf ears and will not resonate in the same way as it will if you understand and use their primary love language.
Make the Time
It’s easy to love others who they are loving us. When we are treated well it’s no biggie to be nice back. The true test of how much you care about people in your life is how we react when they complain or don’t respond to something that you feel is loving or caring. The time when you feel annoyed or disgruntled by these situations is most valuable to you if you stop, listen and consider the love language they wish to be spoken to in. It’s not always the case that we don’t love one another, sometimes we simply aren’t speaking the same language.
When you take the time to understand the needs of your partner or customers you will find it much easier to resolve conflicts and your relationships will become bountiful. The more resentment and anger you harbour the worse off you will be. Take a moment to think about the five love languages and how you can use them to have a lovely time with all those important people in your life.
I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to all my lovely readers, customers, suppliers, staff, family and friends.I am grateful for being able to spend time with you. You are amazing. I hope that you’ve found these posts to be of some service. Sending you lots of hugs and happiness. Here's a special gift just for you. I hope you have a very merry and prosperous Christmas. See you in 2016!
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